Ever have one of those nights?

You know the ones.  When you take your three kids to Target and when you finally check out, there’s a greasy pretzel in your purse and the toddler is lying on the floor whimpering?  So you hit the drive thru and come up with a plan to ease the transition (you, help with groceries. you, take the dog out)  It is, after all, past their bedtime and 2 hours later than they would normally have dinner.  You get everything unloaded only to have the toddler tell you she doesn’t want to eat, she just wants to go to bed.  So you abandon the melting popsicles and sweating milk jugs and give that baby what she wants.  You get her settled and start giving her some albuterol when she suddenly starts throwing up…lying on her back with a silicone mask over her nose and mouth.  So then you sit her up and she is puking everywhere and it’s purple because you gave her an icee at Target.  You strip her bed into a ball of sheets and pillow pets and leave it there because you need to get her in the tub.  Just as you get her in the bath, the others come running into the bathroom, their screams hitting you at the same time as the smell.  OMg’s the SMELL.  “The puppy pooped! Mooooommmmmyyyyy, the puppy POOPED!!”   The darling 7 yr old offers to try and clean up the poop.  The smell is overwhelming and you just saw the dog run past with what looks like the pukey PJs.  So you trade places with the 7 yr old who was pretty much just smearing the poop in a big circle on the floor anyway.  Clean up the poop, rescue the pukey jammies from the puppy and grab the ball of linens and the bathroom trash can (because you used it earlier when you cleaned the puppy poop out of the bathtub) and carry everything into the kitchen.  So you’re there in the kitchen and the mingling of the two worst smells on earth has you racing around to open the windows before you even stop to think about what a puppy might do with the things you just left in the kitchen.  So you run back in, wrestle the pukey jammies out of the puppy’s mouth again.  Empty the bathroom trash into the kitchen trash bag, getting shit on yourself because the 7 yr old wasn’t so careful about how she threw away the paper towels.  You grab the trash bag and the ball of linens, use your foot to slide the puppy across the floor, giving you just enough time to drop everything on the landing and slam the door closed before she charges down after you.  You get the trash outside and the laundry downstairs.  The 7 yr old has washed the toddler’s hair so you get her out and get her dried off and re-jammied.  Only now, instead of listless and dragging, the toddler is Up! and Ready! to EAT!  “Ummm, you want some applesauce?”  “Mommy I want my Skyline”  How about you have some applesauce and then we’ll give it some time and if you’re okay, then you can have your hot dog”  “Okay, Mommy, I want my Skyline”


You know what I’m talking about right?



About Just Vegas

I'm a 30-something married SAHM which means the nightmare scenario that plagued my early 20's has become reality. Funny thing is, I kinda like it. I have 3 lovely daughters who are educated at home and at a part-time alternative school. I love animals and I love people (in the general sense, not everybody all the time). I have no income to speak of, I'm not crafty and I hate cooking. My skills include reading the internet, watching tv on the internet and conversing with people on the internet. I'm an armchair philosopher, spiritualist, agnostic, feminist, liberal, activist, political pundit and tv critic.
This entry was posted in My Family-I Love Them Anyway, The Babies. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Ever have one of those nights?

  1. Susan says:

    Yes. I do. I once remember walking into the basement after an all-boy sleep-over and on the way stepping in both dog shit and cat puke. And it wasn’t even 8 a.m. yet.

  2. Valerie Hromatka says:

    You are hilarious, keep writing!!

  3. Gigi says:

    Holy crap, batman.

  4. Sigh….yes, yes I know it well.

  5. Suzanne says:

    No. I live 3 hours from the nearest Target. But the rest of it. Yeah… been there. Quite amazing that I haven’t run screaming into the night yet.

  6. Jess Thornton says:

    So this is what I have to look forward to, huh?

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