Sorry for the light posting lately.  I haven’t felt much like talking, sometimes I just get tired of my own voice, you know?

The EMDR has been amazing.  I highly recommend it if you have memories that haunt you.  I took control over my memories listening to a drum beat in a small room and it enabled me to take control in my current reality as well.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t solve everything for me.  I’m still down all the time and I just. can’t. shake it.  If we could get my meds right maybe I could feel better.  On Wednesday my therapist told me that since my depression is physiological it likely won’t ever be gone for good.  I’ll cycle out of it, maybe for years at a time, but it will always come back.   This leaves me feeling more determined to get the meds right and to learn how to handle things better.  If I learn how to cope more appropriately then maybe each time I cycle back into depression it won’t be buried in blood and alcohol.

For now I leave you with some interesting posts I’ve read this week.

A call for Christians to work against the bullying of those in the GLBT community from Jesus Needs New PR.

A question about food stamps from Susan at Still Small Voice.

A backslidden Mormon responds to the Mormon statements about homosexuality.


About Just Vegas

I'm a 30-something married SAHM which means the nightmare scenario that plagued my early 20's has become reality. Funny thing is, I kinda like it. I have 3 lovely daughters who are educated at home and at a part-time alternative school. I love animals and I love people (in the general sense, not everybody all the time). I have no income to speak of, I'm not crafty and I hate cooking. My skills include reading the internet, watching tv on the internet and conversing with people on the internet. I'm an armchair philosopher, spiritualist, agnostic, feminist, liberal, activist, political pundit and tv critic.
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11 Responses to Quiet

  1. Beth says:

    It makes me sad to read what was posted by the “inactive” Mormon. Forunately, as a Right Wing Conservative and a member of the LDS church I do beleive the things that President Boyd K. Packer said in his talk in the 180th SemiAnnual General Conference last weekend (that’s where the quotes in this person’s blog post came from).

    This I do beleive!

    President Boyd K. Packer said:

    To be entrusted with the power to create life carries with it the greatest of joys and dangerous temptations. The gift of mortal life and the capacity to kindle other lives is a supernal blessing. Through the righteous exercise of this power, as in nothing else, we may come close to our Father in Heaven and experience a fulness of joy. This power is not an incidental part of the plan of happiness. It is the key—the very key.

    Whether we use this power as the eternal laws require or reject its divine purpose will forever determine what we will become. “Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?”7

    There is something very liberating when an individual determines of his or her own free will to be obedient to our Father and our God and expresses that willingness to Him in prayer.

    When we obey, we can enjoy these powers in the covenant of marriage. From our fountains of life will spring our children, our family. Love between husband and wife can be constant and bring fulfillment and contentment all the days of our lives.

    If one is denied these blessings in mortality, the promise is that they will be provided for in the world to come.

    Pure love presupposes that only after a pledge of eternal fidelity, a legal and a lawful ceremony, and ideally after the sealing ordinance in the temple, are those life-giving powers released for the full expression of love. It is to be shared only and solely between man and woman, husband and wife, with that one who is our companion forever. On this the gospel is very plain.

    We are free to ignore the commandments, but when the revelations speak in such blunt terms, such as “thou shalt not,” we had better pay attention.

    The adversary is jealous toward all who have power to beget life. Satan cannot beget life; he is impotent. “He seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.”8 He seeks to degrade the righteous use of the life-giving powers by tempting you into immoral relationships.

    I had to respond to this Sarah. I know you don’t agree, but this woman’s blog is so ridiculus to me!

    • Loralee says:

      Drum therapy can be hugely beneficial…and I am very sorry you are dealing with this. Many a loved one has gone down this path and it is a very hard walk. I’m very sorry you are dealing with it.

      As for Beth. Well…since she did not have the courage to come to my blog and say what she had to say, I’ll take a moment here.

      You believe what you believe. Great. Which is a good thing since that is the way you tick: heterosexual, right wing, LDS.

      MANY are not you. And they live under a hugely LDS society. And that society gets it’s path at conference. Define marriage? Fine. I disagree, but I expect it. Say that being homosexual can be done and that Heavenly Father would never make anyone that way? NO. We have a problem Houston. Maybe you have never had loved ones try to pray their way out of a biological issue but guess what? It really is not effective. He could have gotten the strong “we believe marriage is for heterosexuals marrying” message across without the added condemnation and (erroneous) impression of the scientific impossibility of the genetics of homosexuality.

      This is not just the backslidden and the inactive and the left that had issues, Beth. I have 400 emails in my inbox from LDS people and many of them are conflicted so please do not make this an issue that only strikes a negative chord with those out of the church.

      You believe strongly but hey…I would LOVE to stick you in the middle of my
      grandmother’s Southern Baptist congretation. They would stand up and be just as self-righteous, just as determined, just as witnessing and “my way is THE ONLY right way!” that you and all other Mormons (including me before I became backslidden) belong to an evil cult and will spend eternity burning in hell.

      So, pardon if your ‘belief’ doesn’t justify a whole lot to me. You have the promise of heaven, I have flesh and blood victims of fallout in front of me.

      Sorry you didn’t have the courage to say these things at my own ridiculous blog. I would have treated you fairly and left the snark, attitude and rudeness that I read in your comments out of mine. Because, really, it behooves neither you nor Mormonism.

      But you know, do unto others and all that.

    • vegas710 says:

      I’m curious why you think her blog is ridiculous? She has a valid opinion, one I share. I see the Mormon church as trying to mold science to fit their very limited view of the world. It’s something religions have done from the beginning. If science doesn’t fit our worldview, we’ll just deny it. In doing so, we may inadvertently cause the deaths of young people but we’ll never take responsibility for that. They (and other religious institutions) have made homosexuals into the “other”, into the enemy and that has consequences.

      • Beth says:

        In the end we’ll see who’s living correct principles. I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your day!

        • Beth says:

          I’m sorry for going there on your blog. Loralee is correct, I should have posted on her blog and I apologize, it never crossed my mind seeing as I connected to her blog from here. Although I am not sorry for the things I posted, you may remove my comments if you so wish. I never meant to cause trouble. Just wanted to share my feelings and beliefs. Hope you can forgive me. Much love to you!

        • vegas710 says:

          I don’t think it’s about who’s right in the end but what harm is being done by our actions right now.

  2. Mario Saccoccio says:

    I would think that this blog would be good therapy for you, so keep at it! An empty room can be very lonely, drum or no drum. Hang in there, kiddo!

  3. Susan Campbell says:

    Love you, darlin’, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. And thanks for the link-love. You are in my heart.

  4. Christie says:

    Hey chickadee, Just wanted to send you some cyber love from across the way. I know all too well my own flavor of demons that love to ride piggy-back on our souls. It makes the journey often exhausting, and the loneliness can be deafening. Mainly because the cave of depression seems to have a gated entry. All I know is that there are a lot of us out there – a kind of broken and lonely hearts club. It doesn’t always make it easier, but sometimes it makes me feel a lot less crazy! You also have an extended family who loves you like crazy, no matter what – and we can’t wait to see you. So hang in there, keep going, it’s not all for nothing. And the battle you fight will mean everything to your girls some day (besides your husband). They will know how hard you fought to be who you are and to love them. (I’m speaking to myself just as much. The meds seem to be one of the most frustrating aspects – but at the end of the day I think that they do make a world of difference.) Love you.

  5. With you in spirit and cyberspace.

  6. Jac says:

    Thinking of you and riding on a similar path. I wish you strength and peace.
    Love, Jac

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